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December 20, 2002 Issue

The Night Before Christmas...Revisited

Inspired from a December 2000 Workforce.com article.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the place,
Few employees were working, others just kept pace.
The cabinets and desks had been straightened with care,
In hopes that parties and bonuses soon would be there.

When out in the hallway there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my cubicle to see what was the matter.
My cell phone was ringing; I knew it quite clear,
My emotions were torn between curiosity and fear.

Then what to my joyous ears should I hear,
But the voice of our CEO not very far from here.
With a little old voice so sweet and inspired,
He announced with a smile we had just been acquired.

From Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York they would come,
An interstate conglomerate our company to run.
No right-sizing, no layoffs, no pay freeze, no firing,
Only investment, expansion, and best of all, more hiring.

I smiled with glee and jumped up and down,
Our sad HMO would now include Ultrasound.
Our 401(k), which isn’t very nice,
Would now be administered by T. Rowe Rice.

Training employees will involve more red tape,
But the HR budget will increase by a factor of eight.
Candidates will flock to meet our hiring needs,
While our competitors are envious of our recruitment deeds.

I will outsource payroll, benefits, and all paperwork,
I will reassign performance appraisals that drive me berserk.
I know not the details, just one major fact,
This is finally my chance to make an impact.

But I awoke from my dream and fell down on my knees,
Hit #35 and called my employees.
I told them of the vision, what a wonderful sight,
And wished them Merry Christmas, and to all a good night

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ISSN Number 1549-0467