Grief in the Workplace –
How to Help Your Employees through Difficult Times

---

I was working at one of my first jobs out of college when I received the news that my father had taken a drastic turn for the worse.  Once I arrived at the hospital, my worst fears were realized.  The days that followed were a whirlwind of making funeral arrangements, spending time with close relatives, and trying to grasp the reality of a sad situation. 

Returning to work the following Monday was a somewhat daunting situation.  Life as I knew it had turned upside down, and I was still feeling a bit shaky about seeing my co-workers for the first time since my father’s death. Although most went out of their way to express their concern, I was surprised to find that others opted to avoid me as much as possible. 

Often, individuals who choose to ignore someone who has experienced a loss are fearful of “saying the wrong thing.”  Others may feel uncomfortable with the topic of death.  Regardless of the reasons, there are ways for you and your staff to relate with a grieving employee that will help the person heal as he or she transitions back to a normal routine.

According to Duke University’s Personal Assistance Service (PAS) article, “Grief in the Workplace,” it is important to “encourage grieving staff members to take care of themselves during this time. And, perhaps most importantly, be patient. There is no limit on grieving. Don’t make the assumption that they should be done grieving according to your timetable.”      

Grief comes in many stages, and varies according to the individual.  During this time the grieving staff member may be experiencing emotions such as shock, denial, sadness, anger, fear, and / or frustration, which may make it difficult for him or her to concentrate or focus clearly on tasks. 

John H. Stanley, co-founder of the North Carolina chapter of the Compassionate Friends, an organization that helps individuals come to terms with the death of a child, explains his return to work following the loss of his daughter, Susan.  Within an hour of his first day back, his supervisor announced that they had compiled a large list of new programs and promotions for him to head up.  Typically, this would be exciting news, but during this time, it was overwhelming.    

“Do not believe that we can hide from or run away from our grief by becoming workaholics, putting on an armor of ‘busy’ as a defense. I believe that we simply delay the inevitable grief,” explained Stanley, in his article, “Facing Grief in the Workplace.” The employee who is dealing with a loss may seem withdrawn or may have a need to talk. Each person handles grief in his or her own way.  What is important is to reach out to them.

In her article, “Grief and the Workplace,” Georgine Ouellette, LSCSW, St. Luke’s Health System’s Employee Assistance Program Counselor, suggests reaching out to those employees who have suffered a loss. “Reaching out, when appropriate, means to offer to help the co-worker with his or her workload; offer to spend time with the bereaved during lunch or break times; invite the bereaved to social or departmental events; listen without use of clichés or giving advice, or comparing your own grief stories. Rather, ask simple questions, anticipate needs, offer time, meals, prayers, childcare, and pet care. Ask your co-worker what they need during this time.”

By reaching out, you are helping them once again become productive.  According to the HR Magazine article "Helping Employees Cope with Grief,” grief costs U.S. companies more than $75 billion annually in lost productivity.  “Helping employees to deal with their grief and that of others is compassionate and proactive, and it bodes well for productivity,” explained author Kathryn Tyler, MA.

The HR Magazine article also offers ways that HR departments can help.  They include the following:

• Ensuring that bereavement policies and procedures are established, such as life insurance benefits, bereavement leave, emergency loans, leave-sharing, and condolence gifts.
• Helping the grieving worker communicate with colleagues.  Offer options such as EAPs, support groups, and grief education.
• Helping co-workers express their sympathy.  Encourage thoughtful gestures that could be spread out over time. 
• Helping the bereaved employee and his or her supervisor deal with any lingering productivity issues.  Sit down and listen to what the employee needs.  This may include a flexible schedule, temporary reassignment, or simply the ability to take a quick walk outside when needed. 

For those who experience a loss, the kindness of co-workers can be a vital part of the healing process.   I am grateful that my compassionate co-workers helped me work through my grief and feel “normal” again.  By showing compassion and patience to your grieving employees, you can help them feel “normal” again, too.

Written by Sharon M. Terry, Astron Solutions’ Writer / Marketing Specialist.